Dear Half-Shirt Guy,
Do you know what girls do? They rock.

And so do you. As if you didn’t know that little tidbit already.

Do you know what else rocks? When people crave attention so badly they do…I don’t know…crazy things! I wonder if you know anyone like that. I doubt it. Because when you’re not busy supporting the rights of transgendered individuals, you’re relaxing with a cold one listening to some country music. In other words, your dance card is booked.

Just thought I’d ask – what are you doing next weekend? Some buddies and I are gonna head down to the parking lot at Shoney’s, twist-tie our t-shirts and sing Kelly Clarkson while making weird noises with our armpits. Just seemed like something you’d be into. But you probably have plans with your girlfriend(s).

Love,
Will