Posted on Friday, July 29, 2011
in Letters to the World
HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE EATING RED MEAT
Sometimes when you are eating ‘red’ meat, it doesn’t look, well, red. Usually, red meat is either RED before you cook it, or BROWN after you cook it. I’d call it GREY, but let’s be real, eating grey food sounds like something they do in third world countries.
REMIX: You can ‘brown’ turkey meat, but that doesn’t make it red. It can go both ways, like that man-lady that stands at Santa Monica and Robertson on Thursday nights flipping her hair and winking at everyone. She looks like she has eye Tourette’s.
PRO TIP: Duck and Goose also count as red meat, although duck is brown and goose is well…
LITMUS TEST: The litmus test for red meat is whether or not a trucker in Alabama would eat it. Let’s go out on a limb here and posit that Mack the trucker ain’t ordering goose off the menu of the Birmingham Flying J.