Dear Black Cat,

I feel bad because every time I see a black cat I can’t help but think of Janet Jackson. And you know why. Back in 1990, Janet had a huge hit with the song Black Cat and since then it’s been one of her greatest hits.

So when I see you, I don’t think, “What a cute cat!” or, “Oooh, I’m so frightened by you!” I think of Janet Jackson’s bare breast on national TV during the Super Bowl.  And it hurts my loins.

P.S. Can anyone tell me how Justin Timberlake got out of that one scott free? It was his song that goes, “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song.” Then HE rips off her breastplate or whatever that thing was. I mean, no, most people don’t wear nipple protectors “just in case” their clothing comes off on national TV. And yes, it does take two to tango – but most people forget that Justin Timberlake was even on stage, let alone the reason this happened.

You know what, black cat? You and me are gonna bring this to the world’s attention. Whaddya say? We’ll be like a couple of old-time newspaper journalists. Will, the rogue writer with a plucky personality, and his partner Blacky, the street smart kitty with a taste for milk and danger.
Love,
Will