Dear Jesus,
Welcome Back.
I know it’s been a month since Easter Sunday, but to quote Eminem,

Guess who’s back?
Back again
Guess who’s back?
Tell a friend

Good news (no pun intended): I told all my friends already. Which is why I, and the rest of the righteous Americans who are smart enough to believe in you, could sit down to a delicious ham dinner. What I find particularly interesting about ham on Easter is that the Muslims still haven’t caught on that some Christians do it to piss them off.

Passive aggressive? Maybe. Delicious? Definitely.

Now that you’re back, I have a few questions:
What are your plans this year? Do you have anything specific you’d like to accomplish before next Easter, or are you playing it by ear?

Where exactly are you? I recall a song from the 90’s about what if God was one of us and it got me thinking, would you live in the slums somewhere or in a sick beachfront mansion so that people respected you as much as we respect the Persians in Los Angeles?

Why did Starbucks introduce a thirty-ounce drink?

Love,
Will