Dear Vampires,

First of all, back up. Because I’m packing a string of garlic.

Second, what is up with you? You are the most overplayed creature on T.V. right now. You’ve got the Twilight, the True Blood, the…I don’t even know.

You are not interesting people. You are actually quite depressing. Although you are more exciting than zombies. If I had to do a ranking it would be:

4. Zombies
3. Vampires
2. Werewolves
1. Joan Rivers

That’s based on a weighted ranker which includes the following criteria: Suckiness, Depression, Ubiquity and History of E! Televised Specials

Love,
Will