Posted on Monday, June 13, 2011
in Letters to the World
FASHION ALERT – GET THE LOOK!
All the women are asking: How can a nobody like me become a sexy biker chick? We’re just gonna break this down piece by glorious piece:
Step 1: Jeans. Darker the better — but don’t feel restricted if you prefer those stonewashed Lees lying around the bedroom of your ranch house.
Step 2: Boots. Again, darker = better. Cannot stress this enough.
Step 3: Color-coordinated outfit that says something meaningful. How about all pink to categorically state, “Despite my masculine tendencies, I am a woman.”
Step 4: Helmet. Not by choice. If asked why you selected said helmet, it is always appropriate to respond with, “I never needed no damn helmet ‘til the state came along.” And say “state” with disdain – after all you never voted for no liberals.
Step 5: Hog. When selecting said hog, always go for something too big to be fashionable and too small to be useful. Most importantly, skin a ferret and tie its silken fur to your seat.
Step 6: Man. But not just any man. A man willing to tame the open road – to suck the marrow from roadkill and leave you the tender venison – a man who fixes his own problems – a man who hates Pinkberry. Think of Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse.
All right ladies, now that you’ve got the info, GET THE LOOK!